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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Like a fly on a windshield....

This will be a really short post but in my last post I was talking about how things havent really sunk in yet. Well... Tonight it hit me. 

What if K doesn't come back home? What if she cant? What will that look like? feel like? I had what felt like a panic attack when I was getting ready for bed. What if nothing works out how I thought it would? I love S and K and no decision seems right. I tried to not think about it and push it down but man did the cork in that fly off tonight! I feel so out of control and hurt and mad but, there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so overwhelmed by everything tonight family wise. I hardly worry about going to class tomorrow because it seems so insignificant compared to my family. 

My little sister's are starting kindergarten tomorrow and I wont see either of them for it. And that may seem like a small thing but for me it is  kick in the chest. I am so proud of both of them and wish I could be there to see them off, but I cant. If anything I would see one of them and that just doesn't seem right. 

Its really late right now and I have class tomorrow. Although I dont care I would rather not look like a zombie and have enough sleep to hold myself together till after my classes. Good night everyone! Prayers for me and my family are so appreciated! 


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